Embracing Stillness: The Power of Patience and Self-Reflection

I read this quote a week ago as I was preparing for a caregiver support group.
I was searching for something meaningful—something to ground us—tether us to hope.
This question did the opposite for me.
It stung.
It called me in—
taunting me all week—
like a mirror I keep walking past, refusing to make eye contact.
This won’t come as news to anyone who knows and loves me…
I am not comfortable sitting in my own mud.
Other’s mud pits—sure, but mine—hard pass.
I’m like a toddler with a glitter jar—impatiently shaking it again before the glitter has a chance to settle to the bottom.
I need all the information.
I have a million questions with sub-questions.
I need assurance, and overcommunication, and clarity.
I need to think about it from every angle—every worst case scenario—so I can have a plan for each possible outcome.
I need to protect—
my loves, my self.

I don’t do well in the waiting
without answers,
without information.
Deep diving into the muddy water with goggles to protect my eyes—
still completely unable to discern what lies beneath,
fully aware that if I could just be still,
the dirt will settle,
and still waters will reflect the truth I am grasping for.

I know this to be true.
Life has been my teacher and yet—I continue to trudge my way through the mud—through the tunnel—chasing the light, rather than being still long enough to let my eyes adjust enough to see what’s in front of me
right now
in this place
in this moment
in these feelings,
these struggles,
these challenges,
these battles.
I am not alone.
I am supported.
I am loved.
I am safe to look in the mirror
and be still with myself,
with my fears and insecurities,
my questions and doubts.
It’s safe to let others hold this space with me—to see my roots, and my mess—to know me.
We can be still, right here, together, and wait for the mud to settle and the water to become clear.

Ezekiel 69: 1-18

1 God, save me,
    because the waters of chaos have risen to my neck.
² I’m sinking down into the mud [mire],
    and there is nothing to stand on.
I am in deep water,
    and the flood overwhelms me.
³ I am exhausted from calling for help;
    my throat is dry.
My eyes are tired from waiting… hoping
    for God to help me.
⁴ There are more people who hate me for no reason than hairs on my head;
    many enemies want to destroy me for no reason.
They make me pay back 
    what I did not steal.

⁵ God, you know my foolishness;
    I cannot hide my guilt from you.
⁶ Lord God Almighty,
    do not let those who wait for you… hope in you be ashamed because of me.
God of Israel,
    do not let those who seek you be disgraced because of me.
⁷ For you, I carry this shame,
    and my face is covered with disgrace.
⁸ I am like a stranger to my closest relatives
    and a foreigner to my mother’s children.
⁹ My strong passion for your house completely consumes me [John 2:17].
    ·When people insult you, it hurts me [Rom. 15:3].
¹⁰ When I weep and fast,
    they scorn me.
¹¹ When I wear sackcloth… signs of grief,
    I am a joke to them.
¹² They make fun of me in public places,
    and the drunkards make up songs about me.

¹³ But I pray to you, Lord, for favor.
God, because of your great love, answer me.
    You are faithful to save.
¹⁴ Pull me from the mud [mire],
    and do not let me sink.
Protect me from those who hate me
    and from the deep water.
¹⁵ Do not let the flood drown me
    or the deep water swallow me
    or the pit close its mouth over me.
¹⁶ Lord, answer me because your love is so good.
    Because of your abundant compassion, turn to me.
¹⁷ Do not hide your face from me, your servant.
    I am in distress. Hurry to answer me!
¹⁸ Come near and ransom me;
    redeem me from my enemies.